“Nobody who uses substances sets out to become dependent or addicted”

My recovery journey would have been a lot smoother had there been better social conditions for me to thrive in. There was no referral to treatment services; my only option was to go it alone with the support of my family. In my early recovery, I wasn’t always welcomed with open arms; I had to fight hard to get to where I am today.

Nobody who uses substances sets out to become dependent or addicted. In the early days, that brief period of intoxication gifted me with a key to a door within myself, a means of escape from the world and environment I was in at the time. Unfortunately, like many others, I briefly misplaced the key. I could never have predicted in my wildest dreams (or should I say nightmares) that I would end up in a mental health ward. Sadly, in my dad’s case (and many others), he lost the key and could not return.

The saddest part about all of this, though, is that dependency and addiction are often perceived as moral failings. Society has brainwashed people into believing they are less of a person because they failed to meet its expectations. Who wants to be seen as a failure? Life becomes a constant battle to keep up with the current status quo.

I have encountered countless barriers and hurdles, including social stigma, self-doubt, and a lack of faith and hope. Had it not been for a select few people who believed in me—who saw something I couldn’t see in myself—I wouldn’t be writing this now.

Today I am in the enviable position of not just being employed, but being in a job that I love, including being chair of Sheffield Recovery Forum. After leaving school with no qualifications, I have a degree and I write about my own lived experience with addiction via a blog www.haveawordwithyourself.co.uk and in September I will be launching  a joint memoir about both mine and my father’s journey of addiction.

I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams how the simple act of putting pen to paper would change my life. Writing didn’t just help me process my journey—it helped me reclaim my voice.

For years, I held back, waiting for external validation before I felt comfortable or even brave enough to speak my truth. Still, it wasn’t until I started journaling that I realised that the only validation that I will ever need is from myself, just realising that has been the most liberating thing to have ever happened to me.

Writing has become my ointment when faced with life challenges. Step by step, each word etched on notepaper helps me closer toward healing and is a way to channel my struggles into something meaningful and constructive. It’s a therapeutic endeavour, which has allowed me to confront and process my past traumas and come to terms with them, but more importantly, learn and grow because of them. And it has been integral to my ongoing journey of post-traumatic growth.