If I can do it so, can you
My name’s Catherine and I’ve been in recovery for five years, though I only really started being able to process my trauma and drop the harmful coping mechanisms within the past two years. My childhood was violent and chaotic – love was replaced with rage and alcohol. As a result, I didn’t want to feel or remember anything – I didn’t think I deserved or could experience peace.
For a long time, I was trying to outrun my trauma however that looked. During my last relapse I was miserable; I was mentally and physically sick, living the same day over and over and over again – I was getting tired of running. I started thinking “there has to be more to life than this”.
In 2024 (after more overdoses than I can count) I went to a rehab that focused on women who had experienced abuse and struggled with addictions as a result. It took some time, but the more I had glimpses of healing and the “other side”, the more I became curious. I realised the only way out is though, and through I went.
Getting sober/ changing behaviour isn’t the hard(est) part, it’s the after. It’s facing all the memories and thoughts you’ve been running from for years, whilst giving up the only coping mechanisms you’ve known. It’s learning and believing that we matter.
I had friends who loved me whilst I learned how to love myself, who acknowledged my story and made sure I felt safe, seen and heard. I learned how to find my voice again, most importantly – I learned my voice mattered, and I started believing it.
I’ve always been passionate about supporting others through their journey and know it’s an important part of my own healing. Once I felt strong enough, I started working as a peer support worker and studying to become a counsellor, understanding how important it is to feel safe, connected and supported. I believe those with lived experience are some of the strongest people, and it’s pulling that strength to the surface.
I’ve had many moments recently where I reflect and realise I’m finally free. I thought my childhood, the abuse and years of trauma would rule my life forever, including the thoughts and memories that never stopped flooding my brain and the lack of trust I had in the world around me, that I was defined by a collection of trauma responses and unhealthy coping mechanisms and nothing more. I no longer feel consumed or weighed down by my past. Now, I want to live in the present – I want to experience life and make it whatever I choose to. That’s the important part, I can choose again without pain directing every decision – I’m now focused on being and creating, not just escaping and hoping for relief.
I didn’t think I’d ever make it to the other side, but I did, and you can too.
Catherine x
No related posts found.