“For years, I lived in denial about my relationship with alcohol”

For years, I lived in denial about my relationship with alcohol. I didn’t see myself as someone with a problem—I drank to socialise, celebrate, and cope. But what began as occasional use became a daily routine, a way to mask pain and avoid confronting the trauma I carried, especially from surviving domestic violence twice.

Alcohol became my shield, easier to blame than the toxic relationships or the emotional wounds I hadn’t healed. I had multiple hospital admissions due to drinking and overdoses, each time given another chance at life. In 2018, after a serious overdose, I was hospitalised with pneumonia and placed on oxygen. Though I was physically recovering, mentally I was in a dark place—surrounded by love but unable to feel it, isolated despite having a home, a job, and a family.

Shortly after being discharged, I drank again. A night of heavy drinking and emotional turmoil led me to a dangerous decision—I drove under the influence, intending to end my life. I was arrested at a petrol station, begging the police to take me in. I spent three days in a cell, hallucinating, shaking, and untreated. On the third day, I was taken to court in the same clothes, fragile and broken. I didn’t want to go home alone. To my surprise my father welcomed me, and that moment marked the beginning of my first real attempt at recovery.

With court conditions and support from my GP and services, I committed to sobriety. I didn’t drink for over four years, relying on sheer willpower and my inner voice. But recovery isn’t linear. I attempted suicide again, a harsh reminder of how fragile my mental health still was. I began slipping, showing up to work after drinking, and was eventually signed off on long-term sick leave.

Diagnosed with PTSD and under assessment for bipolar disorder, I realised I had been masking my pain for years. In October 2023, I recommitted to sobriety. I engaged with Likewise for addiction support and bipolar therapy, accessed mental health services through SODIT in Sheffield, and joined Project 6. I attended SMART Recovery meetings, completed the Journey Project for women in recovery, and took a healthy relationships course at Together Women.

I began the structured recovery programme at Project 6, which gave me tools to manage my behaviour. I was medically discharged from work to focus on healing. I volunteered with SODIT, completed well-being and storytelling groups, and received weekly counselling for a year. I had a support worker from Sheffield Mind and stayed connected with Young Carers, who’ve supported my son and me for over six years.

Now, 11 months into sobriety, I’m a SMART facilitator at Project 6 and training to become a recovery coach. I’ve participated in the Recovery Games and featured in the 2024 Recovery Films. At SODIT, I help with referrals and was named Sheffield Mind’s Volunteer of the Month. I’ve come a long way through hard work, determination, and staying connected.

Recovery is a lifelong journey. It’s about connection, support, and believing in yourself. For the first time, I feel accepted, appreciated, and like I truly belong. I am now certified recovery coach completed and I’m now 21 months in and I now run SMART sessions independently and love helping others grow as I have. I’m excited to see where I’ll be in five years—because now, I’m in control.